Karl Glasses

Like any twenty-first century man, I’m too focused and important to be bothered by the minutia of every day life. Time which should be spent tending to my micro-avocado farm is wasted having to deal with such things as electric bills, TV licenses, doctors appointments and the other thousand things which keep my house standing, food on my table, and my son arriving at school on time every morning.

No. I need to substitute personal responsibility for technology.

What I want to do — the holy grail of modern household management — is to offload all the boring stuff onto a third-party service of which I have no control or knowledge of its geographic location. And so it happened that I was searching Google for such a service and came across this:

When loading up the website you’re greeted by the image above. As a young professional, I can often be seen with exactly this expression when I’ve been provided excellent service by Anglian Water, so I was immediately reassured. Before I was anxious about how to best organise my life and personal information, but after seeing this image of an excited customer, I was left feeling “stress-free”.

Like some sort of data mining leviathan, the service connects to your services and gathering all your information in one location. There can’t be any downside.

But what would you call such a service?

I’m sure the company directors wanted to convey an image of security, of friendliness, of confidence. There was no doubt a whiteboard covered marker pen from the marketing team with various potential names; maybe BillSafe.com, or SecureThings.co.uk, or NeverHack.org? There was probably a team of market research professionals, who had feedback from numerous focus groups and customer trials.

And the name they came up with for this new service, a service designed to suck in all of your most sensitive personal information and store it safely in a secure lockbox is:

OneDox

And if you’re not sure why this is a problem, here’s the dictionary definition of the word “dox”:

Dictionary result for dox

verb INFORMAL

  1. search for and publish private or identifying information about (a particular individual) on the Internet, typically with malicious intent.
  2. “hackers and online vigilantes routinely dox both public and private figures”

They might as well have called it Hackers’R’Us.

Having said that, OneDox is very convenient.

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