Jacob Rees-Mogg
Jacob Rees-Mogg focusing his mechanical false eye.

The deadline to Brexit looms ever closer, the British parliament is in political deadlock, and the Prime Minister is weaker than ever; can Jacob Rees-Mogg find the solution that will prevent constitutional crisis in the British parliament?

Just outside Waterloo underground station, in an old ticket office, beneath a set of worn stairs, there’s a food bank which provides nourishment to the destitute and needy of old London town. And it’s in this food bank, several years ago, that I first met Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Now, I know what you’re thinking because I had the same misconceptions as well: Jacob Rees-Mogg? The notorious supporter of fringe right-wing Conservative policies? Jacob Rees-Mogg? Arch Brexiteer, European investment fund manager, and member of the British parliament? That Jacob Rees-Mogg?

Yes, indeed. But Jacob Rees-Mogg, as his friends are want to call him, is a man much misunderstood.

Over the past few years Jacob Rees-Mogg and I have become close friends; and while I don’t agree with much of his politics, I can’t help but sympathise with his struggle with self-confidence and lack of self-worth, which is rarely reported about in the tabloids.

Jacob Rees-Mogg
Jacob Rees-Mogg

And so it was that, after three exhausting shifts distributing tins of Campbells soup to the less fortunate citizenry of London, that I found myself sitting with Jacob Rees-Mogg on the edge of Tower Bridge, kicking our feet and drinking Irn-Bru,

He told me of his frustrations with the Brexit process; that he only wanted to, as in his work in the food bank, provide for people of Britain, give them what they desired most.

I asked the obvious question, had he checked with the Polish government to see if they could block any extension to Article 50 and force the British parliament to take back the control that they were so desperately against? He hadn’t considered this point, he conceded, and said he’d get right onto it. Surely the intervention of a foreign nation into the affairs of the British parliament is what was needed to resolve this stalemate?

But what else was there that we could do, we wondered?

Then the answer came to us on the cool breeze that whipped down the river Thames and chilled our Scottish drinks. We would have the queen close down parliament.

It was perfect, with no possible unanticipated consequences. Close parliament until it was too late for MPs to even vote on the outcome of Brexit. We had to ensure that parliament took back control of itself, and in order to do so, we would take control away from it until such time as they could no longer vote to not take back control. It was genius.

“If a duly elected official of the British parliament can’t overrule the rest of the sitting MPs, then where does that leave us?” I exclaimed.

And Jacob Rees-Mogg looked at me at that moment with fresh eyes, and I knew we understood each other.

For my good friend, and food bank volunteer, Jacob Rees-Mogg.

The British Queen
The British Queen
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